Oh well

Today's the day and nothings happening /: well, guess I shouldn't believe horoscopes after all ):

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Don't know why I keep torturing myself

With photos, comments and ahem.. Facebook profiles of TYPES of people I'm trying to stay clear of /:


I'm sorry, but I don't think I can handle everything you're saying. Like, hello? Fresh wound? Be a little more considerate will ya? It really really hurts.


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She reminds me of what I had )':

I'm sorry, she's a good friend of mine.


But she brings back so much memories of us, and I just can't believe it's been a month already. Feels just like yesterday..




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You know what sucks

No, not the fact that you can't get over someone.


It sucks when you can't get over someone who has already gotten over you. LONG AGO.



It sucks when the person you love, has moved on, when you haven't. When you have so much to say, but he doesn't wanna listen.


Never felt lonelier.



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This is how we are now :

Me : if you don't pull me back, I'm leaving.
Him : okay.
Me : I'm seriously leaving ._.
Him : okay.
Me : Im really really leaving!
Him : okay.
Me : I'm never coming back!!
Him : okay.
Me : HERE I GO NOW!
Him : okay.
Me : ALMOST GONE..!
Him : okay.
Me : BYE NOWW!
Him : okay.
Me : -__-




I feel so pathetic.







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You promised

I wouldn't go through any more heart breaks
I wouldn't feel unsafe no more
I wouldn't feel secure or scared anymore
I wouldn't get hurt..


Just very disappointed you broke your promises, you were so believable..


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I hope he gets back to me soon ):

The wait is killing me )': he says he feels somethings missing, could be anything )': but I sure hope it's me ):


Come on, we both know that our lives have never been the same, take a chance on me <3 please? ):

sigh.



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There goes one of the hardest conversations I had to face..

Sigh..


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Strangers, again.

Please don't do this to me.. Deep down I know you're still there..


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Had the best/worst dream )':

I dreamt he texted me and told me he only said those things cause he was fighting with his friends and all.. And he apologised and we got together again..



Woke up and couldn't tell the difference between dreams and reality..


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It's a month now

Needless to say how I feel about you.. Just please, please tell me I'm nothing like her..


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Don't think I wanna tweet no more

The more I think of her blog, the more I realise, what if he thinks I'm exactly like her..? What does he think of me now..


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Mm

So much for quality time eh.


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Please

Tell me I'm not like her, please tell me I'm nothing like her.


Her posts are so believable, or is she telling the truth, why can't you tell me the truth? Maybe I'm just that big of a bitch as her. If I am then tell me, I don't wanna keep my hopes up any longer.


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Songs that can make your heart

Feel like they're cracking into pieces )':


Have you had that feeling before? /: sigh.



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Listening to Jet Lag

On MTV, and tearing )':


I miss you so bad..


You told me you loved this song too, cause it reminded you of us..


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I have SO much to tell him..

I just hope he texts soon,
can't. Hold. It. In. Soon.


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Damn..

I really hope the day comes soon.. I really can't live like this, waiting and waiting.. Have a feeling he likes someone else tho )':


Gonna listen to Whiskey Lullaby to sleep tonight.. Super emo song )':


" with a note that said, I'll love her till I die "


Cried so hard when I heard this phrase )':


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I know somewhere out there

There's gonna be someone who's gonna love me till I die, someone who's gonna follow me if I leave and bring me back to where we first started..


I just wished it was him.. I know I'm still very young, but I really don't wanna feel sad again, and he promised me I wouldn't. And of all people, I never expected him to break a promise..



I just don't wanna do it anymore, but I'm feeling very lonely all by myself, and let's face it, I'm not that strong kinda girl that can go through life without a guy.


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Saddest song I've ever heard in my life .___.

She broke his heart he spent his whole life tryin' to forget
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind
Until the night

Chorus
He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away her memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said I'll love her till I die
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby



The rumors flew but nobody know how much she blamed herself
For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
Until the night

Chorus
She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow



" Whiskey Lullaby "

Totally cried when I heard this song )':

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Really don't know how he feels..

But seems like he's moved on already.. But it so doesn't seem like him.. )': please say he's faking it.. Please..?

Sigh. I got too comfortable with him, that's why.. Too used to the fact that he'll ALWAYS be there. I shouldn't take things forgranted..


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I still can't get used to the fact

That he's really really gone.. u_u


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Look at the date

He texted me all the way from UK cause he knew how sad I was that he left.. Is anyone awake? )':

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I think it's sadder

To torture yourself with songs like Lips Of An Angel than songs like Jar of Hearts.



Cause it reminds me of what I had, and what I could have had..

Cried so hard when I saw this message
" baby i want you to know and remember our promise. This that i've made to you. (: i will keep them in mind. Cause i love you so very very very very much. (: "

It hurts so so bad.. Everytime I read his messages I can feel my heart shatter immediately.. It's so so saddening to see someone you loved so so much, become.. Like this.


You have no idea how much I loved you, and I still do.. When will these tears stop falling for the same reasons?


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Stop giving yourself hope, manda

He's never gonna reply, he's never gonna come back. Stop dreaming. Stop being so naive. He probably hates you, and doesn't want to have ANYTHING to do with you. Why can't you understand that?! You're a bitch. Even he agrees. Give up, Manda. You're hopeless.


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Just took my student visa photo

And I couldn't smile -.- bloody hell, I look like a retard -__-

Never felt so ugly in my life.


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I don't know why

I still constantly torture myself by listening to songs i used to listen to remind me about us, the songs that you dedicated to me, and the songs that made me feel secure about our relationship.


I cry everytime a song reminds me how much you used to love me, how much you used to care, how you promised you wouldn't let anything happen to me, how we would never fall apart..


I cry whenever I see our photos, I remember the moments when you make me realize that I made no mistake loving you.


I cry whenever I read the messages you sent me, leading up to the break up. And I cry, and cry, the fact that I totally surrendered everything up to you, and when I'm most vulnerable, you leave..


I realize it's all my fault, that I screwed up big time, and there's no way you're gonna trust me when I tell you I'm willing to change and compromise. I realize that I underestimated the problem, I belittled it, when in fact, it is something that would make a person go into a whirl pool of regret if they even came close to doing what I did..


Why couldn't I see the problem before it got bigger? Why couldn't I see my faults? Why am I so problematic?


I'm not saying I deserve your forgiveness, I'm just saying I wished there was something I could do now.. I really hope you forgive me..


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Omg.

Can't you take a hint? -.- geez.


Stupid guy won't leave me alone! Dude, you have a girlfriend, stop flirting with all your other Girlfriends! Stop being such a flirt! Pansy ass!


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Frustration

I've been waiting 6 effing months for this time of the year. And he's RIGHT THERE. But I can't go see him. HE'S RIGHT THERE! I don't think I can emphasise how much I want to see him. I need to talk to him, I wanna start over. BUT I CAN'T! cause I screwed up. I screwed up. And I have never felt sorrier.


I could never imagine not seeing him everyday, then he leaves for UK.

I could never imagine not being with him, then he broke up with me.


Right now, after so long, I still can't get used to the idea that he's gone. I can't and I don't want to. Part of me is still living in denial. I want to undo this so badly, so so badly. I keep telling myself, this is temporary, it'll go back to normal, but it just isn't it. I have to keep telling myself, he left, get over it. Get over this, get over him. I have to..



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Why is it so unfair..

I see all the couples telling each other how much they love each other.. Why can't I have that..?


I miss him so so much.. And he's RIGHT there. But I can't see him.. It's true, the saddest way to miss someone is when he's RIGHT THERE, but you can't have him..


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He's never coming back.

Stop giving yourself hope.


‘Cause I always knew that the day
Would come when I’m not enough to make you stay


You tell me it's not possible,
No way that we can break,
Well nothings illogical,
Believe me..

-David Archuleta - 'Falling Stars'

This song describes exactly how I feel.. Cept in this song, he's still in the relationship. I used to listen to this song all the time as a reassurance song, that he would never break up with me. But now I use it as a, I'm hurt and I just wanna listen to this song over and over to torture myself.


I never realised till someone told me today, the happier I am, the more things trouble me inside. That's so true.



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I see you online all the time..

I want to talk to you.. But I don't have the guts. Guess you're way over me now right.. Right?


Even If you say yes, I'm still not budging. Was so jealous today.. So upset and depressed. Sigh..


Guess we won't be able to meet up after all.. Why're you over me so fast.. Really really fast.. Why.. Am I that easy to forget? Did I mean not THAT much to you..? Tell me, tell me something bout yourself now, tell me please.


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Don't wanna watch How I Met Your Mother

Cause it reminds me of you.. Lily and Marshall..


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My standard 6 science teacher

REMEMBERS ME!! :D :D


YAYYYYYYY (':


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SHIVERS

Sigh. Don't like don't like don't like!



Is he over me..? That soon..?


Sigh.


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Oh here we go again.

Getting the vibes from you and I don't really like it. VERY not over him and the last thing I want now is a boyfriend. I'm flattered, that's all I'll say


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So many questions in my head

And no one to help me solve em. So tired all the time.. But yet so much homework left to do.. Lying on my bed lifeless, trying to think bout what I would do if I ever see him again..

So many things..

Is he gonna be sad?
Is he gonna be over me?
Will we hug?
Will he say he's sorry?
Will he want me back?
What if he doesn't?
Will I want him back?
Will I say yes if he asked?
Will HE say yes if I asked?
Should I give him the letter?
What would his reaction be?
Will he realise what a jerk he is?
Will he be very sorry and beg me to come back?
Or will he be firm and leave me there?


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Guess I'm not alone after all :P

Puan Teh's little boy came to touch spike (': and I hear cheerleaders. :x


Ehh! I see Shauna and Jia Li and other frisbee peepo (:

Shauna said she came to visit spike too (': darling spike..



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Sitting in a nest

Right beside darling Spike




Waiting for my mum /:
Alone in school ):

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